The musings of Mr Monkeysized


Molear – modern life is rubbish by monkeysized
March 7, 2010, 22:10
Filed under: Uncategorized

Part of being Monkeysized is trying to be slightly more connected to life than many of our contemporaries in the year 2010. I thought of this last night, when I was stupid enough to decide to visit Ikea on a Saturday evening.

It took a nervous and frustrating two hours to get there. Nervous, because my old Mercedes, Idi, had recently spent two months up on blocks with a respiratory problem. The last time we tried to visit Ikea it broke down on the North Circular. Would it hold this time? Frustrating because the roads were jam packed, on a Saturday at 7pm – mainly, as it turns out, with people on the A40 heading off to whichever godforsaken wherevers after a ‘day out’ at the Westfield shopping centre…
…which brings me to the verb ‘molear’. Mrs Monkeysize tells me that in Honduras it is the verb meaning ‘to go to the mall’. It’s like  a modern version of the proverbial eskimo with his twenty words for snow, tailored for empty lives.

There were plenty of people taking the chance to ‘molear’ in Ikea too. Oddly, perhaps 75% of African/Asian/Slavic descent, which may or may not have been related to the varied makeup of the bleak sections of North West London near that branch.

What a ghastly choice of activity. Many seemed dolled-up to the nines, and more than a couple seemed to be on dates. Most gave off the air of having designed their Saturday evening around it. The TVs in veneered display cases silently played the luridly-coloured family programmes that provided one of the other entertainment options for Saturday evenings in 21st century Britain. Mountains of meatballs and haddock with grey peas were consumed joylessly in the cafe.

We had spent the day walking for miles and miles in spring sunshine along the Thames, and only decided to risk squeezing in the much-feared trip to Ikea because the roads, and then Ikea, would surely be empty.

When we got back we sunk an excellent bottle of wine and wondered what had happened to these numbed apes of 2010 who had lost so much of the magic of living that they had decided to molear the night away.

Oh, and we picked up a very reasonable lamp, some coat hangers and six more wine glasses, to replace the ones we always break when washing up after drinking wine.

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