The musings of Mr Monkeysized


The silent (not snoring) ten percent by nicholaswalton
January 24, 2011, 10:19
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A quick one this, to get things moving again.

I was just listening to Radio 4’s ‘More or Less’ programme from the cusp of the new year. Each guest came up with an emblematic number from 2010.

Michael Blastland’s number was 30%. After considering David Cameron’s calls for measuring happiness rather than simply economic output, he pointed out that 30% of British people suffer from insomnia. 10% suffer from it to the extent that it has a real impact on their waking lives.

Last night I sat in bed next to Mrs Monkeysized and read. The light went off and my brain lit up like a light bulb. My legs filled with mild pins and needles. I felt too hot, then too cold. I left my bed and sat on the sofa reading about the unravelling of the Roman Empire.

Then, after Valens lost at Adrianople, I went back to bed. Several hours later I was still awake.

I’m now sat in work and trying to kick start my brain. Life for this blighted 10% is about more than economics and GDP figures.



Time travelling for the old! by monkeysized
December 3, 2010, 14:40
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What’s so bloody good about the modern world? Sure, I quite like memory cards and podcasts, let alone the fact that it’s easy to buy plump and delicious blueberries from Britain’s shops without having to search too hard. Yes, these are seriously good developments, but there’s a lot that’s rubbish too. Those silly tight jeans that barely cover the arses of young people, for a start. Oh, and an increasingly widespread belief that every moment is made better by the playing of music.

So if somebody asked me whether I would like, perhaps when old, to live out my days in the comforting surroundings of a more preferable time (when denim was cut properly and some people believed silence was a precious thing), I’d say yes. And that’s what some of our old friends are now able to do. Check this out:

Who wouldn’t like that? And it needn’t be the 1950s. What about being a colonial administrator in 1870 Northern Rhodesia? What about taking part in the Great Hunnic Raid on the eastern Roman Empire in 375? What about being an American soldier based in England in 1943, taking advantage of some English soldier’s wife with the help of a pair of nylons and some chewing gum?

But hold on to your hats: it’s even more exciting than it looks. For a start, something is bound to come alive or go wrong. Remember this?

That’s right – live out your holiday fantasies in a robot world of guns and girls from the Wild West, Middle AgesĀ  or Ancient Rome. That was the idea in the film ‘Westworld’. But keep an eye out for Yul Brynner’s gun slinging robot going nuts and hunting you down like an angry Duncan Goodhew with a stetson. If I was one of those two lovely old ladies in ‘1950s World’ above, I’d be keeping a beady eye out in case the 1950s push-along toy dog blew a fuse and bit my leg off. And remember – in 1950s medical care wasn’t as good as it is now. I’m just saying.